Once again I find myself at a point in my life where I know I need to make some changes. Based on past history, I have to admit I am not brimming over with confidence that any changes I make will stick this time either, but I am going to give it an honest try. There are two things that do give me some hope... the first is pretty simple... this time, I am not going to try to make sweeping changes, but try to do it in baby steps. The second is a little more nebulous.
For many years I have had a secret monkey riding on my back. Something that has made me feel really crappy about myself for a long time. Last year, I came clean, so to speak, about that particular monkey and, although I still feel crappy about it (particularly about how it effected other people), it is open to the air instead of being a secret festering boil (gross imagery, but apt, I think). I am hoping that dealing with that shameful aspect will help me to continue making positive changes in my life. I am hoping that now I am ready.
So... what now...
My next biggest issue has always been procrastination. I know I have intelligence... I know I am capable. But so often I am just overwhelmed by... well... everything. I have so many things I want to/need to do that when it comes time to do them, thinking about it makes me so tired all I can do is take a nap on the couch. It does not help that it is so easy to spend an entire day diverting myself with Netflix, Facebook, Google+ and ... yes... Blog!
It also does not help to be fighting a resurgence of clinical depression and fibromyalgia symptoms which I think are an offshoot from the car accident that nearly killed me a year and a half ago. Not to mention dealing with the physical recovery from that. All of this together means I have basically done very little around the house and yard over the past year and have put myself in a position of having a LOT of things I need to do.
A friend of mine tried something I found kind of interesting. She decided to go the community shaming route. She posted her ToDo list online and asked her friends and family to give her a hard time if she went more than a day without accomplishing something on that list. I don't think I am ready to go that route (maybe next time!), but I did take her idea of the ToDo list. I remembered that there is a Task option in gmail and spent some time creating lists and adding things to it. I have a few lists... Outdoors, Indoors, Crafts and General. I am going to add a 'Chores' list for reoccurring items.
In the past, when I have decided it is time to change, I have, with all sincerity, planned grande sweeping changes. This time, I am going to try smaller steps. My goal for each day is to do ONE item from the outdoor list, ONE item from the chore OR indoor list and at least ONE step on a craft list item. I am going with the following rules:
- This goal is for 6 days a week. I get one day that, besides feeding the cats, I don't have to do anything.
- If I get a work call, the only list that counts is Chores.
- If there is nothing on a list, two items will be done from one of the other lists.
- I will actually log how I do to re-evaluate the plan at the end of each month.
I am going to give this a try. I would welcome any helpful comments on how other people deal with these issues or even community shaming when I slack off, as long as it is meant to be helpful...
And just one little note... this has actually already paid off. I was tempted to 'blow off' dyeing a batch of wool that I had already soaked until tomorrow. I had already soaked it, but dyeing it meant cleaning off my area and spending the time getting the dye mixes made up. I had told myself I would do it tomorrow afternoon, but a couple hours of seeing that task as I figured out the best way to make the lists made me just get up and go take care of that particular task... and since I had the dyes made up, I went ahead and dyed my friends sock yarn for her, so TWO tasks were checked off the Craft list! And then, I decided that since I have not officially started with the 'rules', I am going to count the mowing and pesticide spraying I did the past couple of days as my 'outdoor' item for today. Which makes me want to go do one item on the chores list, just so I can say I actually started the rules today.... :) Yeap... not even officially started and the justifications have already begun... heh.
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